I think that as a mother, the worst feeling in the world is when you can't do anything to help your child when they are sick, or sad, or just need help. Right now, I feel like that times about 10. We have all of our paperwork sitting over in Russia, and are just waiting for a call for them to tell us to come meet our daughter (how strange is that??). A few weeks ago when I had mountains of paperwork to do, it kept me busy and at least I could feel like I had something that I could do to get things going faster. Now, I'm working on a couple of last pieces of paper for court when it happens and doing some added training, but none of that makes her get home faster. It's so hard to feel so helpless and so out of control. I do know that I'm not the one who is supposed to control, but I don't think I have ever had a harder time waiting for something!
I have been in touch with a woman from WV that is also adopting from the same region and using the same agency that we are using, and they have been to Russia for their first trip and have met their son and then had to leave him after spending time with him for six days. It's been so amazing to hear about the area and what to expect and how their meetings went with their son. It has also been really hard to hear about the orphanage and how the kids live and know that our daughter is probably in that same place with the same situation. She said that the babies get only one diaper a day ( I have no idea how that even works without them having a very serious diaper rash), and that they sleep on a vinyl mattress without sheets or blankets on it. It's so hard to walk past her room and see that she has so much warmth here, and love her, and honestly, as many diapers as she wants!! It's been great to hear what we need to make sure we have so that things can go more smoothly there, but it's just so different that it's still even hard to imagine.
So right now, really all we can do is pray. When we were saying prayers at bedtime the other night, Gavin prayed for patience while we were waiting for her (he is SOO my child, needing to pray for patience). I sat on the floor in her room last night and prayed and cried thinking about what she was feeling, or not feeling and how each day longer she spent there, what it would do to her little heart. So, if you see me and I'm looking a little crazy, that's probably why....
On a happy note, I worked on her room this weekend and actually got lots of it done, so I thought I would share some pictures: