Thursday, April 18, 2013

I love a child that I have never met

I have been a little bummed lately with everything taking longer than I thought it would, and I'm really trying to be hopeful, but it is so hard.  When I was younger, I used to write alot, many times it would be poetry...yeah, I was a nerd, but I have accepted that now!  So, as I have been all emotional lately about things, this is what kind of came to mind.  Just stuff that I felt like I would feel better about if I got it down....

I love a child that I have never met.  I've never seen her eyes, never touched her skin, but I think of her every day.

I can't feel her kick from under my heart, but I can feel the soft whispers of her within my heart.

I haven't seen her face, I don't even know her age, but I know she is my daughter.

I don't know where she is, why she is there, or when she will come home, but I know she is loved.

I don't go to doctor appointments, I don't see her on ultrasounds, and I don't have morning sickness.  Instead I fill out paperwork, send emails, and read blogs to make myself somehow feel closer to her.

The call this "paper pregnant", and in a way that is right, but it is so much more.  It's waiting when you don't know the end, it's not knowing the life your own child is living while you wait, it's knowing you will give this child a family, but desperately wondering, "what about the others?"

This journey has been long, frustrating, overwhelming, and scary.  I sometimes wonder if I will even survive.

Then I consider your small life, and all you have endured and know that the grace of God has brought us to this place, and that He will bring us out.

Every day I wait is one day closer to you.  Every paper I sign is one step closer to you.  Every package I mail means one day less you will live without a family.

I haven't seen your face, but He has.  He has chosen you as my little girl.  He has chosen me as your mother.  He has chosen the time.  He has chosen the place.  He will bring us together when His time is right.  I will be hopeful, I will pray, and I will love you from so far away.

Each day I pray for you.  I pray the Lord will keep your belly full, that He will keep you safe, and that somehow He will let you know that I am coming to bring you home.  

"I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you."
John 14:18


  1. You have encouraged me in such a big way this morning.The words you wrote are exactly how I am feeling right now. We are waiting on a referral and it is taking much longer then I imagined. I too have been feeling so discouraged as well. I know that God's timing is perfect! Thank you for sharing your poetry, it lifted my heart!

    1. Thank you for your response! I am surely no poet, but getting it down helps me out. I'm so glad that it resonated with you, I think that we are in such a unique position, and sometimes it helps to know that someone else is feeling the same way!

    2. Yes it does. You literally took the words out of my heart. Thank you so much! I will be following your journey through your blog. I also will pray for your beautiful daughter wherever she is in hope that will know her soon. God bless:)

  2. Man, I remember these feelings all too well. It is so, so hard being where you are right now. But before you know it, it will all be a distant memory & you will feel your girl(s) have been with you forever. Please know that I am here for you & am praying...
    P.S. I'm glad you found my blog & I found your's - now we can be blog buddies & church buddies :)