Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Already crazy...

I want to go ahead and apologize to everyone who knows me.  I already can see that this waiting thing with the adoption is not going to go well for me.  If you know me, you know that patience isn't my strongest quality, and this is the biggest test I think I have ever had.  This is also a lesson that I've been smacked with on several would think I would have learned by now...but no luck there!  I really thought with as busy as I am that time would just sail by and that I would look up one day  and say, "wow, it's been a few months, hope that referral comes soon for the adoption"....right.....who was I kidding??  I find myself sitting at my computer for work and getting anxious with every phone call and email that I get thinking, "this could be it".  Did I mention that our paperwork has only been registered in Russia for a month?  Yeah, from what I have heard/read it normally takes a couple of months even to get a referral so I'm sure we have some waiting to do.  I really am trying to trust that the plan He has for us is perfect, and that his timing is perfect, but I can't help but think that my plan is pretty good too :)  I have been reading blogs all night in hopes that I could find one with a time line for the process that is closer to what I think it should be.  Guess what, doesn't look like it happens that fast for matter how much they want it to!

I am excited for Christmas coming, and am hoping that a short break from school and getting ready for Christmas will take my mind off of things.  Santa is planning to bring her a gift, and I'm sure that will feel a little bittersweet on Christmas morning.  I know that the boys are excited too, a parent of a child from Gavin's class asked the other day if we were adopting because her son came home saying that Gavin had been talking about it.  I love that he is so excited about it!  Noah doesn't talk about it much, except that he's sure they will have to watch "girl shows" when she gets here and he's not really happy about that!  We did find out that one of Noah's classmates is Russian and her mom is from Russia, and they only speak Russian in their house.  I contacted her and we are going to try to get together.  I can't wait to get some insight into the life and culture that comes from another human being instead of from a book! 

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, and I am overwhelmed by how much we have to be thankful for.  I just look around and listen in my house as the boys are playing and laughing, as Jeremy is playing with them, or as we are just laying on the couch watching cartoons.  It is so incredible to look at the life I have been given.  Amazing family, amazing friends, amazing community.  I could not ask for more...well, except for a short wait to meet our baby girl!!  I found this tonight on a blog I was reading and had to borrow it.  For anyone who has or who is adopting, I think this will really hit your heart.

A letter to you
Once there were two women who never knew each other, One you do not remember, the other you call Mother, Two different lives shaped to make you one, One became your guiding star, the other became your sun, The first one gave you life, and the second taught you to live it, The first gave you a need for love, the second was there to give it, One gave you a nationality, the other gave you a nameOne gave you a talent, the other gave you aim, One gave you emotions, the other calmed your fears, One saw your first sweet smile, the other dried you tears, One made an adoption plan, that was all that she could do, The other prayed for a child, and God led her straight to you. Now, which of these two women, Are you the product of? Both, my darling, Both, Just two different types of love.---- Unknown 

Happy Thanksgiving!!

Sunday, November 4, 2012

Small world

So yes, I should be doing homework, but just had to write a short post.  It has been a little rough the past couple of days for me.  The parents and babies went home last night back to Holland.  It has been so great that they have been here for 6 weeks and we got to see them and really get to see the babies before they left.  We even got to meet grandparents!  I feel so lucky and so blessed to have a small part of such an amazing family.  It's really incredible just how small this world really is.  I know that it's halfway around the world, but I still feel like I'll get to see them grow up in other ways.  We have talked so much through email, facebook, skype, and even texting that it really doesn't seem so far away.....well, it does feel like far away, but at least it makes it a little easier.

People always ask me how I'm able to carry babies and then just give them away.  I really do not have a problem with giving them to the parents that they belong to.  I have found that my biggest problem is seeing this part of what has been about a year long journey coming to an end.  When you do this, you can't help but have a very unique bond with the parents that are entrusting you with their children.  It's something that is hard to describe.  You not only are helping them add to or start their family, but in a small way you become part of their family.  So, it's hard when the pregnancy is over because you all go back to normal life and of course there is a little less talking and there's not visits for the most part, and truly that is what is supposed to happen.  But I would be lying if I said that it wasn't a little hard.  So, it's not so much that I miss the babies that I had with me for so long, but it's kind of like when a family member or best friend moves away....

I'm so thankful for the time that we had together for these last 6 weeks and I will never forget how great it was.  I'm so thankful that my kids got to see them and get to know them and I think one day it will help them realize what surrogacy really is and how great it can be.  I'm so thankful for being able to spend time with the babies and I have to say seeing Lola actually looking for me becuase she recognized my voice makes me think about how amazing pregnancy really is.  I am so thankful that after everything I made it through my last pregnancy healthy, and and certain that this was my last time.  Can't lie about that either, it's kind of bittersweet.  I know I was miserable at the end, but there is something about being able to do that that makes me proud to be a woman!!  I think that's why I've always done women's health in my career, I just think that it is incredible what women can do....we just rock I guess!!