Monday, April 27, 2015

Here I am....

So, here I am....two days before I take my very last test for school.  Just a little over a week until I walk across the stage for graduation.  Probably a month or so before I take my boards and can finally say that I'm a Nurse Practitioner.  Truthfully, I never thought I would be here.  When I started, I hoped that I would finish, but I never really thought I would.  Along the way I've had alot of set backs, and a 2 year program has taken me close to I am....and I've learned so much more than school stuff through the past few years.

I've learned that if you want something bad enough, you will make it happen.  I'm not sure where  I have found the time, or the energy to study and take tests and do clinical, but I know each day I would do it.

I've learned that unless you have people willing to stand beside you and sometimes behind you pushing you past that roadblock and on to your next step, you will never make it.  Having family and friends believing in you when you don't believe in yourself is so so important.

I've learned that I will never know it all.  I would like to, but I can't, and I need to accept that I won't be perfect, and that sometimes that's okay.

I've learned that it's vital to take time out to breathe....and have fun....and make sure that you are still LIVING, because after all, what's the point of any of it if you aren't having fun?

I've learned to love myself for who I am....and this is pretty huge for me.  My whole life I've wished this or that was different.  I've finally, after 36 years, accepted things like my curly hair, my turned up nose, and my maybe not as thin as it should be body.  I actually kind of like when I smile and I can see the fine lines around my eyes, it means that I've smiled enough for them to be there.  I've learned that I am good enough....just the way I am is good enough....I don't have anything to prove, I'm not competing with anyone (well, maybe myself!), and that I just need to be me, and be happy in my own skin.

I've learned that life is messy, but life is amazing.  I've been so busy for so many years that I know I've missed things.  I've put things to the side that shouldn't have been, and I hope to make up for that now that things will settle a little.  I don't want to ever make people think that I have it all together, I want people to know that the mess is okay, it's what makes us who we are.

I think the most important thing I've learned is that none of this comes without pushing through fear and following in faith.  Even through all of the craziness, I've been able to feel at peace.  Even though things may not be as I planned, I know that God knows His plan, and I can trust.  I truly feel at peace with my life, which is not something I've been able to say much throughout my life.  I know some things need to change, and I'm working on that, but I also know that He has my back, and wow....that's amazing.

School has taught me tons about medications, treatment plans, insurance coverage, and lab tests....but life during school has taught me the most valuable lessons, and I am forever thankful for the opportunity to be able to have this journey.