Thursday, April 18, 2013

I love a child that I have never met

I have been a little bummed lately with everything taking longer than I thought it would, and I'm really trying to be hopeful, but it is so hard.  When I was younger, I used to write alot, many times it would be poetry...yeah, I was a nerd, but I have accepted that now!  So, as I have been all emotional lately about things, this is what kind of came to mind.  Just stuff that I felt like I would feel better about if I got it down....

I love a child that I have never met.  I've never seen her eyes, never touched her skin, but I think of her every day.

I can't feel her kick from under my heart, but I can feel the soft whispers of her within my heart.

I haven't seen her face, I don't even know her age, but I know she is my daughter.

I don't know where she is, why she is there, or when she will come home, but I know she is loved.

I don't go to doctor appointments, I don't see her on ultrasounds, and I don't have morning sickness.  Instead I fill out paperwork, send emails, and read blogs to make myself somehow feel closer to her.

The call this "paper pregnant", and in a way that is right, but it is so much more.  It's waiting when you don't know the end, it's not knowing the life your own child is living while you wait, it's knowing you will give this child a family, but desperately wondering, "what about the others?"

This journey has been long, frustrating, overwhelming, and scary.  I sometimes wonder if I will even survive.

Then I consider your small life, and all you have endured and know that the grace of God has brought us to this place, and that He will bring us out.

Every day I wait is one day closer to you.  Every paper I sign is one step closer to you.  Every package I mail means one day less you will live without a family.

I haven't seen your face, but He has.  He has chosen you as my little girl.  He has chosen me as your mother.  He has chosen the time.  He has chosen the place.  He will bring us together when His time is right.  I will be hopeful, I will pray, and I will love you from so far away.

Each day I pray for you.  I pray the Lord will keep your belly full, that He will keep you safe, and that somehow He will let you know that I am coming to bring you home.  

"I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you."
John 14:18

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Some progress....and some new news....

Well, just a quick update tonight.  My brain is pretty well fried after a peds test tonight and a migraine last night, so I'll make this one kinda quick.  First let me say....ONLY 2 1/2 WEEKS OF SCHOOL LEFT!!!!!!  I'm so excited to have the summer off.  This semester has been rough to say the least, and I really need this break!

Now that that is out of the is where we are at in our adoption process:  Our home study was approved by the agency this week and just went out today to USCIS.  For most of the world who doesn't what USCIS is, it's the new and improved (haha) version of INS.  Its pretty much the part of our government that says we can bring her back and will give the visa for her (well, that's my understanding anyway, I could be totally wrong).  I just fill out the forms they tell me to and send money where they tell me and trust that everything is happening like it should.  The reason that this step is so exciting is that we just need the approval from the USCIS to be able to send our dossier (fancy word for a crap ton of papers!) to China to officially be LID (log in date for China), which means that they will start the matching.  Wow....feel educated about adoption lingo now??  Technically per our agency since they have our home study they can start matching, but they said that most families are LID when they get matched.  We are hoping that we can still be LID this month since we already had our USCIS approval when we were adopting from Russia we don't have to redo fingerprints and all that and I heard from some others that have done the same switch that it actually only took a week or so to get the approval.  So...this is a pretty big step!!!  And, if you were able to follow that last paragraph, I'm impressed (steph, I know it was too long and wordy for you, I'll make sure you got it later, hehehe)

On to the new business....some of you that know me already know this, but we have had a slight, or huge depending on how you look at it, change in our plans.  It was really just a change in how some thing were worded and which box we checked....but it means that we are now trying to bring two precious Chinese angels home at the same time!!  I'll give you a minute to digest that craziness.....................yes, I said two.  I have always said I didn't want to have an odd number of children (odd children, yes, just not an odd number), so we would need two eventually.  To me, I would rather deal with the frustrations of two adopted kid home at once rather than the frustrations of all of this paperwork and process with another adoption.  Not to mention it saves alot of money in the long run (in the short run, however, it's a bit more...more about that in a bit).  So, for our part we are doing all of the paperwork to be approved for two little ones, but we still have to find a match with two in a short time frame so it still is alot to be worked out.  So, please continue to pray for us that they can find matches in the time that we need and that it won't take too long!

Back to the money thing briefly....most of you have probably seen we are doing another fundraiser garage sale.  If you haven't, then it is May 4th, and we want your stuff that you don't need anymore!!!!  In addition, we are putting together a couple more fundraisers this summer (you didn't think I would relax with my time off from school, did you?), and they are going to be really great.  One in particular I really am excited about and I think it will be an amazing day.  More to come on that, and yes, I will be trying to tap into all of the amazing talents of my amazing friends for help with that!  Thank you all so much for following us, please keep praying, and I will keep updating...who knows maybe the next one will be REALLY exciting!!!