Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Dear UPS

Dear UPS (and people who work there),
    I feel I need to somehow explain to you why I have called at least 6 times about my package that wasn't picked up on time and is now getting to me 4 days later than I had planned.  It really isn't because the actual papers in there are so important I can't live without them, it isn't because when I get them I will win a million dollars, and it isn't because I'm just neurotic and need things to be on time (well, to be fair maybe it's a little of that).  No, it's not really any of those things....it's because that small package of papers is the last step before everything can go to China and let them know that we have a home for two of their precious children.  And, when they get back to me four days late, then they get through all the other processes 4 days later, and that means that we have to wait another week to tell China that we are ready.
   I realize to normal people that a week is really nothing. 7 days....168 hours....and after over a year of all of this a week isn't much in the grand scheme of things.  But, this is how I see a week:  it's a week longer that my children have to be somewhere without a mommy and a daddy to hug them and tell them they love them every day.  It's 7 days longer without medical attention that they likely desperately need.  It's 168 hours without knowing that someone loves them so much they will move heaven and earth to make sure they know that they will ALWAYS be loved and be able to count on them, no matter what.  So, while I realize that a week is just a week, to me it's so much more.  It's another week without getting to rock my babies to sleep and to watch them drift off in my arms.  It's 7 days of wondering if they are fed, safe, and healthy.  It's 168 hours of loving children that I don't know and won't know when I will get to feel them in my arms.
   I do know that everything happens in His time, and I do trust that it will all work, but today I'm just having one of those days where I just want to be mad.  I am mad that while I am such an amazingly blessed girl, there is part of my heart that I so far away, and I won't have it back until they are home.  So, yes, a week is a week....but this is what it is like to me:  If you had to send your children somewhere, and didn't know who was taking care of them, if they would have enough to eat, or if they would get medical attention if need, or if someone would give them a hug and kiss goodnight, How long would that week feel to you?  I'm not trying to be melodramatic, but if I'm being honest, that is what it feels like to me.  I don't know how it works, but I love my girls as much as I love my boys, and at this point every day feels like an eternity, so a week....well, let's just say it means something to me.
    So, UPS, while that package might just be a couple of papers to you, it's much much more to me.  It's one step closer to my children having a family, and while I understand things happen....it's still hard to make it okay in my mind.  Even if it is just a week.....

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