I had to do something this weekend that I rarely have to do (haha, can't even say this with a straight face!)...I had to admit that I was wrong and Jeremy was right. I'll give you a moment to let that soak it...
Yes, I said it. He was right, I was wrong. Throughout all of this adoption craziness, he has pretty much not shifted. He keeps telling me that things will work, and that we have to be patient, and that we can't give up. While I can say that I'm doing all that, it's probably not true. I've been crazy anxious (which you already know if you keep up with this blog), and already thinking of other options for us. I hate to admit it, but I have felt like giving up on the whole idea of Russia...but then that means giving up on our daughter. We can't do that. I feel terrible for even considering the option. The night before the craziness of the day of ups and downs of different reports I was praying in her room, and in my heart, I very clearly heard a voice telling me that my daughter was in Russia, and that I had to wait. The next day when the first report came out about them honoring the year wait, I really thought my prayers had been answered. I think that's why it was so much harder when the next not so positive report came out. After that, I kept trying to push the voice I heard the night before out of my head. But, I can't. Every other option I have looked at hasn't felt like it did when we were called to Russia. There never really was a doubt when we started on this path, but now looking at other options, it just doesn't feel the same. So for now, we continue on our path and wait for more information and wait for them to realize how much this ban is hurting the wrong people.
We went to an adoption workshop this Saturday at church, and while admittedly it would have probably been more helpful last year when we were at the beginning of this process, there were things that were said that really hit me. One of the speakers was talking about what to expect with adoptions and what to be ready for. He said that if you are going to do it, you have to commit to not give up, and you have to know that you will hit bumps, maybe big ones. It was a matter of when, and not if. Very true!
So, it's been exactly a year today that we signed our contract with our agency. And after about 100 forms and papers, and lots of frustration, and lots of money, I feel like we are at least a few steps closer to our little girl. I am trusting that she will come home, we just don't know when. I am praying that through all of this, I will be a good example of my faith. I don't know His plans, and I am trusting that no matter what happens it is what is supposed to happen. I know from experience that some of the hardest times in my life have ended up not only teaching me the most but also have had some of the most incredible rewards!!