Wednesday, October 9, 2013

Almost many emotions

If you have been following along, you will know that we are getting close to having our Lainey in our arms!  One week from tomorrow we will get on a plane, then another plane, and then be on our way to China.  One week....just one week.  They will bring her to us on that Sunday, which is Jeremy's birthday (happy birthday daddy!!!!), and her adoption should actually be legally finalized on that Monday, the 21st.  She will be ours.  Forever.  I have already talked about the traumatic events that lead up to this day, and we will be trying to remember everything she's gone through before she gets to us, and try to remember that everything will be new to her also.

As we are so filled with overwhelming joy, I can't help but think of the incredible loss that has had to happen for us to be allowed to have her as part of our family.  She has a biological mother.  Words can't express the admiration and love that I feel for this woman.  I cannot fathom how difficult it must have been to make the decision to give your child up in the hope that she could have a better life, even if that is with someone else.  I look at my boys, and I cannot even think of what my circumstances would have to be to make that my best option.  I so wish that there was some way to let her know that her baby is loved, she will be taken care of, and that she will grow up in a family that will love her like she was born into our family.  I wonder if she goes to sleep thinking of what happened to her, I wonder if she has brothers and sisters, I wonder if she ever regrets that difficult decision.  I admire the strength she must have had to birth this child and care for her for months (she was not a newborn when found), and then have to wrap her up and leave her.  I wonder if she watched to make sure that someone found her, I wonder if she walks by where she left her and thinks of her.

For now, I can pray for this incredible woman.  I can pray that somehow she will know that she will be loved by another mother, that she will be loved by her other daddy, and that she will be loved by her brothers and other family.  I can pray that her heart can heal from this loss, and that she can have peace that she made the right decision.  I can pray that Lainey will always know that she is so blessed to have been loved by this first mommy, and that because she loved her so much, she also gets to be loved by this second mommy.  I can pray that there is enough room in her heart to accept me as her mommy and know that I couldn't love her more if I did carry her.  I know that being a mommy is so much more than carrying and delivering a baby, it's love, it's hard decisions, and it's trying to do what is best.  Lainey is so blessed that both of her mommies love her so much and will do whatever they can to give her the best life possible.  I hope that in some way this first mommy can know what a blessing this little one is to us.  We truly feel that God has led us to this exact child at this exact time, and could not be more blessed by the opportunity to be her parents.

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