Again my good plans for doing one thing turned into writing this blog. I had good intentions of going to bed, but just couldn't stop thinking about what I saw this weekend. First, on Saturday, friends of ours from church came home with their beautiful new daughter from Ecuador. We weren't able to make it to the airport to welcome them home, but the pictures I saw online were incredible. Of course it made me think of the day that we will get to do that with our daughter and it really is overwhelming to think about. This afternoon, we had a little baby shower for the parents of the beautiful babies I carried and I saw two new parents who have settled into this incredible new life as parents so well that it really is amazing to see. Talk about a change in life. From no children to newborn twins....so awesome. I also saw amazing women and mothers that started as my friends, have now become friends of theirs too, so there is an international connection now between the Carolinas and Holland, also awesome! Girls, I do see a Flamingos take Europe trip!!!
That was not the end of my amazing sights this weekend! We headed to trunks and treats tonight and more awesome things. I saw the newest adopted daughter of our friends dressed up and having fun with her new family and many other kids. I know that obviously she is not totally adjusted in one day, but how incredible to see her having fun in this totally new place with all new people and all new words and just new life in general. As I looked around, I noticed another friend with her adopted daughter from Ecuador also, and another church member with an adopted son from the US, and yet another church member with her two adopted children. I also saw another family that is in the process of adopting and know who their daughter is, but haven't been able to bring her home yet just because of the long process with their country. Not only are there so many stories like this, but there are also many that I don't know. I know there are other families in the process of adopting, and I'm sure even more that are thinking and praying about it, and that is also so incredible to me.
I think that the most amazing thing to me is that there are so many ways to make a family. And, there are so many kinds of families. I feel like I have been so blessed to be able to help add to and start families with being a surrogate. What an amazing thing to be able to do....I honestly just can't explain how that feels. But, I also feel like I have been a part of creating a family of friends as well and connecting the US and Holland. Now, we get a chance to add again to our family but in a very different way than we have before. It's still very surreal to me, but we have our paperwork in Russia as I type and are being registered in the region we are adopting from. Once we are regiestered, they are saying we should have our referrral and travel on our first trip within 6 months. When that day comes, I'm not even sure what we will do!! So amazing....
Sunday, October 28, 2012
Monday, October 15, 2012
Courageous
I had good intentions of sitting here during the boys' Tae Kwon Do class and doing my school work. Unfortunately I forgot the ear buds to listen to lectures and I forgot my notes to do my assignment. Apparently I wasn't meant to do that here tonight. So, I figured since I had some extra time I would write here. I have been thinking about this post for a week or two after hearing a song on the radio. I honestly don't know who sings it, but in the song they sing, "we were meant to be courageous". I started thinking about that a little. I have had a few people tell me that I was courageous in doing the surrogacy, but I never really thought of it that way. I've said before that I really just feel like I was doing what I was supposed to do. I think that there are so many people in my life that I look at as being so courageous. I personally think that the "normal" things in life really take more courage than we ever really think about.
I think of two of my closest friends who have chosen to be a stay at home mom (you know who you are), and I really think they is amazing. The choice to stay home is not an easy one when you consider having to make sacrifices because of money, time and everything else that being home with your children involves. I have said before that I know I couldn't be a stay at home mom, but I think that it really takes a huge amount of courage to trust that is the right decision for your family. It also takes a huge amount of courage to handle criticism that may come from different places about being a stay at home mom. I don't think that anyone can argue that raising children is the most important job that there is.
On the flip side of that, I have very close friends that have chosen to be working moms, and I know how much courage that takes as well. The balance between having a family and a career is very delicate, and most days you feel like you are constantly neglecting something. When you are at work, you worry about what the kids are doing, and when you are with the kids, you are thinking about work that needs to be done. But, I know that for many women, it's the right decision to work, and it takes courage to follow that decision. There is also criticism that comes with this decision, from many places, and there is guilt that comes with being a working mom.
I see courage in so many places, every day. I see it in my kids when they go to school, make new friends, try new things, and learn new things everyday. I look at Noah who just started kindergarten, and how many new things that happen everyday and how he handles it with courage, even though I know he was scared. I see it in my parents who have been through so much with illnesses and just life in general but still have so much faith and trust that everything is as it should be. The courage is amazing to make marriage and life work for so long. I see it in the parents of the beautiful babies I had the privledge to carry. To be able to trust someone who is pretty much a stranger with their most precious gift they have ever had is incredible. What amazing courage to know that someone is carrying your children thousands of miles away and not completely losing your mind! I had a hard time leaving the boys at daycare, so I can't imagine what kind of courage that must have taken. Not to mention the courage that so many of my friends have had to make the decision to have children. Talk about scary...to be responsible for these amazing little lives takes more courge than I think any of us ever thought we had! It's the courage to be willing to make mistakes, and to make hard and even seemingly impossible decisions, never knowing if what you are doing is right, or if it is something they will talk about in therapy one day!
Regular real life takes courage every day. It takes courage to trust that what you are doing and what direction you are going is the right way. It takes courage to take a chance and try something new, to start a new job, to accept a promotion, and to make those hard decisions. I am amaazed every day at the courage that I have around me and try to remember how much courage "normal" life takes!
I think of two of my closest friends who have chosen to be a stay at home mom (you know who you are), and I really think they is amazing. The choice to stay home is not an easy one when you consider having to make sacrifices because of money, time and everything else that being home with your children involves. I have said before that I know I couldn't be a stay at home mom, but I think that it really takes a huge amount of courage to trust that is the right decision for your family. It also takes a huge amount of courage to handle criticism that may come from different places about being a stay at home mom. I don't think that anyone can argue that raising children is the most important job that there is.
On the flip side of that, I have very close friends that have chosen to be working moms, and I know how much courage that takes as well. The balance between having a family and a career is very delicate, and most days you feel like you are constantly neglecting something. When you are at work, you worry about what the kids are doing, and when you are with the kids, you are thinking about work that needs to be done. But, I know that for many women, it's the right decision to work, and it takes courage to follow that decision. There is also criticism that comes with this decision, from many places, and there is guilt that comes with being a working mom.
I see courage in so many places, every day. I see it in my kids when they go to school, make new friends, try new things, and learn new things everyday. I look at Noah who just started kindergarten, and how many new things that happen everyday and how he handles it with courage, even though I know he was scared. I see it in my parents who have been through so much with illnesses and just life in general but still have so much faith and trust that everything is as it should be. The courage is amazing to make marriage and life work for so long. I see it in the parents of the beautiful babies I had the privledge to carry. To be able to trust someone who is pretty much a stranger with their most precious gift they have ever had is incredible. What amazing courage to know that someone is carrying your children thousands of miles away and not completely losing your mind! I had a hard time leaving the boys at daycare, so I can't imagine what kind of courage that must have taken. Not to mention the courage that so many of my friends have had to make the decision to have children. Talk about scary...to be responsible for these amazing little lives takes more courge than I think any of us ever thought we had! It's the courage to be willing to make mistakes, and to make hard and even seemingly impossible decisions, never knowing if what you are doing is right, or if it is something they will talk about in therapy one day!
Regular real life takes courage every day. It takes courage to trust that what you are doing and what direction you are going is the right way. It takes courage to take a chance and try something new, to start a new job, to accept a promotion, and to make those hard decisions. I am amaazed every day at the courage that I have around me and try to remember how much courage "normal" life takes!
Saturday, September 29, 2012
What a difference a day makes!
Wow...what a crazy 36 hours it has been! Yesterday morning I was seriously on edge and worried for my mental health! I was feeling pretty bad with high blood pressure and swelling unlike anything I had ever seen. To say I was miserable was the understatement of the year. Not to metion the fact that anyone who came into contact with me was pretty much doomed to be miserable too. So let me just say to anyone that happened to cross my path...I'm sorry....I have no good excuse, so I'll just say sorry and leave it at that.
Anyway, today is a new day, and the babies are here and beautiful and doing well. As miserable as I was, it is so worth it in the end to be able to help them become parents. I ended up with a c-section, which was not my first choice, but I can't lie...it wasn't as horrible as I thought it was going to be. I feel pretty good already. The best part is, I've lost 18 pounds already!! Now, granted, it's a different scale, but even so, that's pretty good! I'm moving around better than I thought I would be, but I'm more tired than I thought I would be. Guess all of this stuff takes it out of you! I have to give kudos to all of the staff here at CMC-Pineville, they have been awesome and really could not have taken better care of me.
So, fingers crossed I may get to go home tomorrow, assuming that my blood pressure behaves! I'm ready to get back to normal life (well, normal for us anyway). I'm most excited that I can now actually reach my feet again...pretty exciting after the last few weeks!
Anyway, today is a new day, and the babies are here and beautiful and doing well. As miserable as I was, it is so worth it in the end to be able to help them become parents. I ended up with a c-section, which was not my first choice, but I can't lie...it wasn't as horrible as I thought it was going to be. I feel pretty good already. The best part is, I've lost 18 pounds already!! Now, granted, it's a different scale, but even so, that's pretty good! I'm moving around better than I thought I would be, but I'm more tired than I thought I would be. Guess all of this stuff takes it out of you! I have to give kudos to all of the staff here at CMC-Pineville, they have been awesome and really could not have taken better care of me.
So, fingers crossed I may get to go home tomorrow, assuming that my blood pressure behaves! I'm ready to get back to normal life (well, normal for us anyway). I'm most excited that I can now actually reach my feet again...pretty exciting after the last few weeks!
Saturday, September 22, 2012
This was not my plan....
Well, things don't always seem to go as planned, no matter how much I fight for them to! I was 33 weeks and 6 days pregant yesterday and started having some pretty decent contractions and had a Dr appt scheduled anyway, so went in for that around lunch. The first bad news came before I even saw the doctor...high blood pressure and protein in my urine (which shouldn't be there). Then came the ultrasound...baby A (the girl) has decided to flip around and be breech. That means they get to come out via c-section....my worst nightmare....so, I had a bit of a freak out in the Dr office, but have come to terms with it and realize that I just have to deal with it. So, from the Dr office, I headed to the hospital for labs and monitoring... and here I sit a day later on mag sulfate (for the BP), bedrest for the most part, and after no food all day yesterday I did get to have some oatmeal and coffee this morning. I've had the pleasure of a shot to hopefully stop contractions (which burns, and didn't work), and then the first of the steroid shots (which do more than burn...ouch) that will help the babies' lung mature. I'll get another this afternoon and then the plan is that 24 hours after that they will do the c-section to deliver.
So....that's my plan for the next two days....not at all what I thought I would be doing...but then when is it ever?? My parents have come up to stay with the boys, so I know they are in good hands, so that's one less thing to worry about! I know that I need to be here and getting the meds for all of us to be as healthy and safe as possible, but it does suck...no other way around that. Good news is that the parents are on the way and should be here by tonight and hopefully the plan continues and they will be here when the babies' arrive. So, all is good, but I would ask for prayers for a c-section which is honestly terrifying for me, and that the babies are as healthy as can be. I know we are all in good hands, and feel very safe being here where we need to be. And, prayers for the parents for safe travels as they are on their way over right now.
So....that's my plan for the next two days....not at all what I thought I would be doing...but then when is it ever?? My parents have come up to stay with the boys, so I know they are in good hands, so that's one less thing to worry about! I know that I need to be here and getting the meds for all of us to be as healthy and safe as possible, but it does suck...no other way around that. Good news is that the parents are on the way and should be here by tonight and hopefully the plan continues and they will be here when the babies' arrive. So, all is good, but I would ask for prayers for a c-section which is honestly terrifying for me, and that the babies are as healthy as can be. I know we are all in good hands, and feel very safe being here where we need to be. And, prayers for the parents for safe travels as they are on their way over right now.
Friday, September 14, 2012
How did I end up here?
To me, my life is completely normal, but I do realize that from the outside our family is fairly unique and our situation is probably one that most people wouldn't understand or maybe even want. So, I've started thinking, how did I end up here, in this situation, in this moment in time? I've always believed that there are no accidents and that EVERYTHING happens for a reason. And, of course, like most of us, I have that 20/20 hindsight to be able to look back and say, thank you God for making that happen, even if at the time it was devastating. So many things I have been through have been life changing and I am so thankful for that.
So many years ago in college, I really thought that I could see the path I was on, from the guy I was dating to the things I was studying. After making a huge move, everything changed, and my life was never the same again. At the time I was devastated and thought that my life would never recover. Amazingly, and with some time and prayers from many people, I of course did recover and moved past it and was able to put things back together. This was when I think my real life really started. I started nursing school, met Jeremy and started "trying" to act like a grown up!
I can't even begin to explain what meeting Jeremy did in my life. Somehow this little Catholic girl ended up becoming a part of a Baptist church family and that has really made all the difference in my life. That is what really started me on this crazy path that I am on. I think that it doesn't seem so crazy because I can feel that all of this is what I'm supposed to be doing, and that is how I have managed to make it through everything without going crazy. I feel at peace with things that many people see as strange and just don't understand. I also know that most husbands wouldn't handle all of these things we have been through like Jeremy has. I have said before that I know for a fact that he was put into my life for a reason, I couldn't do this with anyone else, and no one else would be as supportive as him in all of this.
So I guess how I ended up here, pregnant with twins that aren't mine and about to deliver, in the process of trying to adopt a little girl from halfway around the world, working fulltime as a nurse, and going to graduate school fullt time, oh and taking care of two amazing and crazy little boys that are the most incredible kids I have even known, and trying to be a wife to the most amazing husband I have ever known....wow....this is where I am, and I couldn't have it any other way. It's busy, it's crazy, and it's scary at times, but it couldn't be better. I think I ended up here because I have been able to take a chance and say, okay, this is what I think I'm being called to do, so this is what I'm going to do! It is truly amazing what can happen when you just decide to go with it and trust that it will work like its going to!!
So many years ago in college, I really thought that I could see the path I was on, from the guy I was dating to the things I was studying. After making a huge move, everything changed, and my life was never the same again. At the time I was devastated and thought that my life would never recover. Amazingly, and with some time and prayers from many people, I of course did recover and moved past it and was able to put things back together. This was when I think my real life really started. I started nursing school, met Jeremy and started "trying" to act like a grown up!
I can't even begin to explain what meeting Jeremy did in my life. Somehow this little Catholic girl ended up becoming a part of a Baptist church family and that has really made all the difference in my life. That is what really started me on this crazy path that I am on. I think that it doesn't seem so crazy because I can feel that all of this is what I'm supposed to be doing, and that is how I have managed to make it through everything without going crazy. I feel at peace with things that many people see as strange and just don't understand. I also know that most husbands wouldn't handle all of these things we have been through like Jeremy has. I have said before that I know for a fact that he was put into my life for a reason, I couldn't do this with anyone else, and no one else would be as supportive as him in all of this.
So I guess how I ended up here, pregnant with twins that aren't mine and about to deliver, in the process of trying to adopt a little girl from halfway around the world, working fulltime as a nurse, and going to graduate school fullt time, oh and taking care of two amazing and crazy little boys that are the most incredible kids I have even known, and trying to be a wife to the most amazing husband I have ever known....wow....this is where I am, and I couldn't have it any other way. It's busy, it's crazy, and it's scary at times, but it couldn't be better. I think I ended up here because I have been able to take a chance and say, okay, this is what I think I'm being called to do, so this is what I'm going to do! It is truly amazing what can happen when you just decide to go with it and trust that it will work like its going to!!
Saturday, August 25, 2012
This is the post I have been dying to be able to write!! We have finally gotten the final home study done!!!!! We just have to get the notarized copies from our social worker in the next couple of days, and then we can send everything to Columbia for them to "apostille", which pretty much means they will notarize our notarized stuff. Then....off to our government to get our appt for the federal fingerprints, and at the same time...off to Russia to start going through al of the translation and government stuff over there. It is so awesome to get to this point!!!! We've been waiting for this that was supposed to take 1-3 months now for 5-6 months, and if you know me, you know that patience is not something that I have alot of most times!
I think I'm kind of in shock right now with this....we have been waiting and waiting, and now this step is done. I have all the other paperwork already done, it has just been sitting in my binder waiting for this day so that we can send it all...and here it is. So, I'm glad we have made some progress on her room, the walls are painted, crib should be up tomorrow, the window stuff is being made, and the rest of the furniture should be done within a month or so. I guess this is really going to happen after all!
This week has really been amazing all around. I got to spend some great time with my boys on Monday and Tuesday, which unfortunately I don't usually get enough of, then Wednesday it was off to school for them. Of course they did great at school, and they both seem to have amazing teachers this year. I feel certain that they are going to to great this year! I had my first taste of working from home while the kids are in school and I am home to get them off the bus. I was able to get my work hours in while they were at school so that when they got off the bus, I was done and could relax or start schoolwork or just sit on the porch with Audrey...which is so awesome! Starting next week I'm cutting my hours by 8 so that I can start back to clinical and have some time to breathe! I really feel like this is going to change my life and stress level, which will be incredible. I can put them on the bus, work for 8 hours, and then get them off the bus and I'm done! It's just amazing to have a few more hours to get schoolwork done earlier. I can already feel my stress level coming down. Granted, its only the first week of school, but I know this semester will be one week at a time like all the other ones, and it will be over before I know it like it always is!
I can't help but just be so thankful for everything going on right now. We have had friends lately with tragedy in their lives, and it really just makes you want to hang on to the people you have in your life. We have been so blessed in so many ways, and it truly is overwhelming sometimes to think about it. I would have not made it this far with everything if it weren't for Jeremy keeping my sane and reasonable, and so many amazing friends listening to my craziness! Everry night when I hear the boys say their prayers and they pray for Lainey and that she is safe (whether she is born yet or not), and that she would get to come home to be with us soon I get overwhelmed with how amazing life is all over again. Life is not always easy, and there are for sure some rough times, but I couldn't ask for it to be better. It just doesn't get much better than this!!!
I think I'm kind of in shock right now with this....we have been waiting and waiting, and now this step is done. I have all the other paperwork already done, it has just been sitting in my binder waiting for this day so that we can send it all...and here it is. So, I'm glad we have made some progress on her room, the walls are painted, crib should be up tomorrow, the window stuff is being made, and the rest of the furniture should be done within a month or so. I guess this is really going to happen after all!
This week has really been amazing all around. I got to spend some great time with my boys on Monday and Tuesday, which unfortunately I don't usually get enough of, then Wednesday it was off to school for them. Of course they did great at school, and they both seem to have amazing teachers this year. I feel certain that they are going to to great this year! I had my first taste of working from home while the kids are in school and I am home to get them off the bus. I was able to get my work hours in while they were at school so that when they got off the bus, I was done and could relax or start schoolwork or just sit on the porch with Audrey...which is so awesome! Starting next week I'm cutting my hours by 8 so that I can start back to clinical and have some time to breathe! I really feel like this is going to change my life and stress level, which will be incredible. I can put them on the bus, work for 8 hours, and then get them off the bus and I'm done! It's just amazing to have a few more hours to get schoolwork done earlier. I can already feel my stress level coming down. Granted, its only the first week of school, but I know this semester will be one week at a time like all the other ones, and it will be over before I know it like it always is!
I can't help but just be so thankful for everything going on right now. We have had friends lately with tragedy in their lives, and it really just makes you want to hang on to the people you have in your life. We have been so blessed in so many ways, and it truly is overwhelming sometimes to think about it. I would have not made it this far with everything if it weren't for Jeremy keeping my sane and reasonable, and so many amazing friends listening to my craziness! Everry night when I hear the boys say their prayers and they pray for Lainey and that she is safe (whether she is born yet or not), and that she would get to come home to be with us soon I get overwhelmed with how amazing life is all over again. Life is not always easy, and there are for sure some rough times, but I couldn't ask for it to be better. It just doesn't get much better than this!!!
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
A better perspective
As I've had a break from school for 2 weeks, I have really gotten into getting Lainey's room ready and getting more things done as far as education requirements for the agency and things. I have been painting and planning and it really makes all of this so much more real for me. I had my first dream about her last week, which was scary and exciting all at the same time. Of course I can't even explain how excited I am to be able to bring her home, but at the same time, it's all so scary because we really don't know what to expect and there are so many unknowns at this point.
I have been doing some required training for the past week, and it really has been great. It gives good insight into things that could happen without making it too much more scary than it already is. I am a huge believer that the more education you can have, the easier it will make things, but this is just so huge that I'm sure years of education couldn't prepare us for it. It does make me think though...when we had Gavin, we were young and had no idea what we were doing, but somehow we figured it out. Then, we had Noah, and yeah we were a little older, but he is completely different than Gavin so it was pretty much like starting over. Not to mention that trying to figure out how to manage two kids instead of one was a challenge! Obviously we have managed to make it to this point with them...that's not to say that I feel like we know what we are doing even now though. I think every day is full of decisions that you make and you keep wondering, is this going to be the one that totally screws them up? So, I guess that gives me a little more peace about being able to parent a child that has no idea what a parent is and is also a girl (honestly, I'm probably most worried about that part!).
I was talking to a friend today (thanks Steph for being blog fodder) and she was talking about how amazing it was going to be that we can save this child from a life of who knows what to be a part of a loving, though crazy, family. While I get a little overwhelmed to think of what would become of her if we decided now to not pursue this, I can't help but think it's almost the other way. I can only think of the amazing joy that we are going to get by being able to be her parents. We have been amazingly blessed with the biological children that we have, and I can only assume that she will bless us in those ways too. I think about all of the ways we have already grown as a family in just going through this process by talking about things and making decisions about it together. She has brought us joy already and she may not even be on this earth yet. I feel every day that God is leading us to do this, and that the perfect child is going to be there waiting for us. I know that it isn't going to be all roses and kittens, but then who said being a parent was?? I think you have to live for those moments when it is, and those take you through those moments when you want to just hide under the bed and say, "mommy is on vacation!"
On that note, one last thing that has been on my mind about this whole thing....I can't stop thinking about this child's birth mother. Of all people, I am probably one of the biggest supporters of the theory that just because you birth a child, doesn't make you a mother. I honestly don't even like the term "surrogate mother" because I think that the term mother is so sacred (I think I've talked about that before). But I think a birth mother gets a whole other part on her own. We may never get to know why our child ended up where she is and why no one in her own family could take care of her, but I have to think that as a birth mother, there is nothing harder than to give up your child knowing that someone else could raise them better. I can't even fathom the pain that must cause, and the amazing strenth it must take to be able to let them go. So, even before we know she has even been born, I have been praying for that birth mother. Her selflessness and strength is going to let us have a daughter that I believe has been planned by God. There will never be words that could say thank you to her, and the only way I believe to repay her for this gift is to raise this little girl the best we know how and to let her know that we were not the only ones to love her.
I have been doing some required training for the past week, and it really has been great. It gives good insight into things that could happen without making it too much more scary than it already is. I am a huge believer that the more education you can have, the easier it will make things, but this is just so huge that I'm sure years of education couldn't prepare us for it. It does make me think though...when we had Gavin, we were young and had no idea what we were doing, but somehow we figured it out. Then, we had Noah, and yeah we were a little older, but he is completely different than Gavin so it was pretty much like starting over. Not to mention that trying to figure out how to manage two kids instead of one was a challenge! Obviously we have managed to make it to this point with them...that's not to say that I feel like we know what we are doing even now though. I think every day is full of decisions that you make and you keep wondering, is this going to be the one that totally screws them up? So, I guess that gives me a little more peace about being able to parent a child that has no idea what a parent is and is also a girl (honestly, I'm probably most worried about that part!).
I was talking to a friend today (thanks Steph for being blog fodder) and she was talking about how amazing it was going to be that we can save this child from a life of who knows what to be a part of a loving, though crazy, family. While I get a little overwhelmed to think of what would become of her if we decided now to not pursue this, I can't help but think it's almost the other way. I can only think of the amazing joy that we are going to get by being able to be her parents. We have been amazingly blessed with the biological children that we have, and I can only assume that she will bless us in those ways too. I think about all of the ways we have already grown as a family in just going through this process by talking about things and making decisions about it together. She has brought us joy already and she may not even be on this earth yet. I feel every day that God is leading us to do this, and that the perfect child is going to be there waiting for us. I know that it isn't going to be all roses and kittens, but then who said being a parent was?? I think you have to live for those moments when it is, and those take you through those moments when you want to just hide under the bed and say, "mommy is on vacation!"
On that note, one last thing that has been on my mind about this whole thing....I can't stop thinking about this child's birth mother. Of all people, I am probably one of the biggest supporters of the theory that just because you birth a child, doesn't make you a mother. I honestly don't even like the term "surrogate mother" because I think that the term mother is so sacred (I think I've talked about that before). But I think a birth mother gets a whole other part on her own. We may never get to know why our child ended up where she is and why no one in her own family could take care of her, but I have to think that as a birth mother, there is nothing harder than to give up your child knowing that someone else could raise them better. I can't even fathom the pain that must cause, and the amazing strenth it must take to be able to let them go. So, even before we know she has even been born, I have been praying for that birth mother. Her selflessness and strength is going to let us have a daughter that I believe has been planned by God. There will never be words that could say thank you to her, and the only way I believe to repay her for this gift is to raise this little girl the best we know how and to let her know that we were not the only ones to love her.
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